Renouncing
#343 - Thursday, September 19, 2024
Renouncing
Resisting feeling Limiting expression Controlling language Embodying life Renouncing fears Recognizing self-trust
Are there enough names for internal experiences of being?
The invisible, the evanescent, the transitory?
The moods, the fears, the feelings?
Leland was scheduled to have various surgical preparatory scans at Los Robles Hospital throughout today, Thursday, September 19, 2024.
There’s a part of me that fears being too open… too transparent… too vulnerable…
“Too muchness” is a feature in my mental landscape. And as I’ve explained to Leland, I’d like to be able to remember my life with him when he is no longer available to correct me, remind me, and reflect with me about different experiences. Specially since we now recognize there are definitive patterns we can witness.
I’ve been discussing with several people the idea of account—ability…
As I’ve explained it to my accountant sister, in an accounting audit, you follow the money. In terms of behavioral patterns, you follow/notice/watch the actions/behaviors, where’s the time, energy, and attention going?
I’ve tried to leave myself clues in the past. The following screenshot is from my Facebook memories. A quote I published on my feed, with myself as the public. It was my reminder. I could scroll on my feed and see what I’ve been posting to myself.
What do you call that?
Weird?
Selfish?
Protected?
Uncertain?
And you know what, I notice it's very easy for me to write about my own lived experiences and what I notice in the process of living. When I try writing any other way, I get lost because I don't have a grounding in the life experience.
I’ve called this "Chronicles of a Modern Traveler". There’s an internal transition happening for me. I’m letting go of the many identities I’ve tried to hold onto.
As don Miguel Ruiz aptly published 10 years ago:
“The love we need to hunt is inside ourselves, but that love is difficult prey.”
Here’s something interesting I wrote in response to someone else’s comment to a meme… I find it fascinating what comes out in different places!
“I'm happy to report I've met such a story in real life on my sampling of the stated Human Design community.
There's lots of people moving their mouth about responding & having clarity, but their body doesn't move that way... And that's how you know, are the mouths & bodies aligned... And I see an obvious difference between the two because I've met these people who've followed their sacral! I have a felt sense in my own body of what a Sacral response is! And now I get to "see" it in the wild...
My husband and I are at new hospital today. He was getting pre-op testing. He's a triple split Projector with a highly sensitive open G. He knows when a place feels good, and he likes going back to those places.
I watched myself put my arm out to hold the elevator door open for my husband to get in with calm given that they close too fast, and he's moving slowly these days with a walker. Turns out both sides of the elevator open, and a woman pushing a cart came in the other side. 3 women were happily chatting waiting for my husband to board the elevator. They all smiled at me as they went in. We were in the basement. The cart woman had already pressed "1" and she asked with her eyes first, then with her mouth if we all needed 1. We all nodded our heads, and said mhm or something.
As the elevator started moving, I said "nice teamwork"... Cart woman responded "it makes the dream work"...
I just started laughing, and said "geez, happy people working, what's wrong with you?"
They all turned around and looked at me with the biggest smiles in their faces, the elevator doors opened, and the Hispanic woman that was part of the 3, looked me in the eye and said "have a wonderful day".
And that's how I absolutely knew we're in the right place, with the right people.
The sacrals are lit, even if they don't know it!”
What is asking for help repeatedly expecting different results called?
Nuts?
Lunatic?
Embarrassing?
Persistent?
Loving?
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