Marking
Today marks day 100 on the journey of writing dailies, sharing inside the Writing in Community group, and posting on the Substack account that's linked to my website.
I remember how much anxiety I used to have when considering doing something like this before I actually started doing it. The idea of coming up with something to write and share on a daily basis felt overwhelming.
Looking back I notice the obvious difference between thinking of writing daily, and the actual process of writing daily. Before I did it, my mind agglomerated all the writing time together, which is why it used to feel overwhelming when I thought about doing it.
I signed up for the October 2021 cohort of the Writing in Community. I was busy doing other things to login to the platform, write, and share. I was removed from the group, and invited to join the next cohort if I chose. This was important feedback for me. Was I really interested in writing?
In January 2022, I joined the Writing in Community workshop again. This time I knew the consequences of not logging in, so I did. And with some hesitancy I began writing.
In the beginning, every night I asked my husband to review what I wrote before posting and sharing. A part of me needed him to protect me from making a fool out of myself. Leland would read my writing, point out areas of confusion, and the many obviously missing commas. I have appreciated the requested feedback.
When I would audibly complain about not knowing what to write about, Leland would offer helpful suggestions. I asked him to refrain from doing so, as I realized I was just grappling with resistance. I didn't need ideas, I needed to let go of expectations, judgments, and the fear of doing it wrong. I needed my fear to be heard, to sit with the discomfort of not knowing, and then just write.
I haven't responded to the daily Kindlings we were invited to do alongside the daily writing. I've yet to show up for any of the Zoom calls that happen inside the Writing in Community group.
And I've shown up for my desire to write, regardless of the outcome. Others in the group seem to have a clear goal of writing, editing, and publishing a book. I'm just here to keep exploring, writing to clear my thoughts, to document an experience, to share some of the wisdom I've gained along the way.
It's been impactful to really feel safe enough to share. It's been priceless to work through the fear of being selfish to take this time to write, to take up space with my own thoughts, and to share my writing regardless of whether anyone else benefits. I'm feeling grateful to be able to acknowledge what I have done, while holding space for the things I could have done but didn't.
If you've been reading along to this experiment, thank you for your time, energy, and attention. I'm curious what will happen next. This marks day 100 of an unknown number of dailies.
Are you marking anything in particular in your life?
Powerful words Iczel... feeling safe enough to share, how priceless it is to work through fear of being selfish to take the time to write, taking up space.... we want more of you Iczel!