Forgiveness
Daily writing experience - day 7
Forgiveness
This is my seventh day thinking, writing, and posting within the closed “Writing in Community” platform, on my website, and sending an email to those who have subscribed to receive them.
I've received supportive words from different people who've taken the time to engage with my writing. And I am here to state that I have not yet done the same in return for fellow “Writing in Community” participants.
The fear of what chaos my mind might devolve into with internal comparisons to what others are writing about, how others are writing, or when others are doing their writing has kept me in my hermit cave, doing my writing work all alone, and only coming out to show what I've done.
Today, the recognition that this fear is yet another mind game finally hit me.
The clarity came from a conversation I had yesterday with my husband of 12 years. Leland (aka Lanny) asked me if my homework in this program meant I had to write every single day.
I noticed the external focus in his question - having to comply with what someone else has prescribed as a path to a defined outcome. Most of us have been trained to do this over our lifetimes starting from a very early age.
I personally have 18 years of formal education where I've followed the prescribed path laid before me by other people in authority positions. (It'd be many more if I counted having to repeat half a year when we moved because of the timing and lack of English, or the two and a half years I spent at University in Guatemala that didn't transfer to my US higher education path, let alone the multiple certifications I've studied for, and received).
The only reason I'm doing this writing is to satisfy a latent desire I've had for a long time. I'm following my inner voice that says it's time to write. I've been clearing the inner groundwork, so it can be solid to support the framework of what's emerging as my mindwork.
The only commitment I have now is to myself, my desire and the life force within me that wants to be expressed through the written word.
It is an act of generosity to myself that I've made this commitment. And I’ve intentionally found a place where others who’ve made a similar generous internal commitment are showing up to support each other.
Each person on their own unique writing journey, for their own unique reasons, in their own unique way.
And yet, we all know it's supportive to have a place where others like you are gathering to connect on the journey.
It doesn't really matter whether anyone else reads what I write, or how my mind thinks it compares to anyone else who's also writing.
So, I can now fully witness my mind, acknowledge the fear that's kept me from engaging with the community of writers I'm grateful to be able to commune with if I allow myself to do so.
I forgive myself for getting defensive before engaging, showing up, and engaging with others' writing.
See you in the comments!
Is there anything you need to forgive yourself for before moving forward?