Alternatives
Daily writing experience - day 18
Alternatives
In 1,999 my son's dad and I decided to move from Guatemala, back to the US, where we'd met, to raise the family. I became a mom to a healthy son in August.
It was a difficult time.
I didn't have the built-in support of my extended family, friends or my son's dad's family as we'd moved away.
And we were so lucky. Looking back, I recognize this was the right move, even though it was difficult at the time.
I wanted a better life for me, and my son. I wanted to be a better mom for my son.
I did the best I could. And watching my own behavior was frustrating, disappointing, and upsetting.
Sometimes I felt like I couldn't control sudden emotional outbursts, the kind that when I witnessed them as a kid had really scared me.
I tried many things to change the pattern, get relief, and support to move forward.
You can take the person out of the conditioning environment, but you can't take the conditioning out of the person!
Unless you persist, keep going through the trial and error process, and hold on to the hope that things get better.
The three alternatives that really shifted my life were discovering neurofeedback, Human Design, and plant medicine.
November 27, 2016
I purchased the audiobook “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD. This book blew my mind!
I distinctly remember driving on the 210 headed toward Pasadena when I heard that trauma flashbacks can be precipitated by smells, sounds, sights, textures… I finally understood that disassociation, or being only in my head, watching my body from afar wasn't normal.
The explanation helped me recognize my body was trying to protect me, and I'd been at war with my body.
Luckily I found a wonderful neurofeedback provider
https://pacificneurocenter.com
My experience in life shifted so dramatically that my present husband, who is distrustful of alternative treatments, decided to do neurofeedback too.
My brain waves became regulated through neurofeedback training. And I stopped disassociating, I could be in my body completely.
March 31, 2021
I found out I'm a 6/2 Reflector in the Human Design system. I’ve always been curious about personality tests, but this one really blew my mind. “Human Design is a synthesis of ancient and modern sciences, and has proven to be a valuable tool for human understanding.” https://www.jovianarchive.com/
I've been learning about Human Design, with a sense of excitement and dread. The main idea is to start making decisions through your Strategy and Authority, rather than your mind. Moving from following an external authority to tapping into your own internal authority. And the information is based on the date, and time of your birth. It's not for everyone as it will challenge the mind, especially if you're an adult who has relied upon their mind to survive, like me!
November 14, 2021
I boarded a flight toward Liberia, Costa Rica. I was headed to a weeklong retreat at Rythmia, “an all-inclusive, luxury medically-licensed plant medicine center located in beautiful Guanacaste, Costa Rica.”
This week helped me integrate all the work I'd been doing: neurofeedback, coaching, therapy, couple's therapy, Human Design… It was a physically challenging experience with miraculous results.
My life is forever changed.
And I'm turning the page.
Fear, shame, and distrust have been lifelong companions.
Thank you for your constancy, it's no longer required.
I'm ready to write a new chapter in my life, with love, joy, and fun by my side.
Who keeps you company?